Well I feel really bad about my last post. I think I came across a little hard on Ryan. I really didn't mean to, and I think I freaked him out when he saw my post, but we did have a good talk about it and I think I have figured it out.
It is ME!!! Believe it or not I am a "pleaser". I feel like I have to make everyone around me happy, and I make myself miserable in the process. All you have to do is look at my wedding. I was trying to make everyone on both sides of the family happy that I made things worse, and now you can feel the tension in the air when both families are together. Not that they are because my family is now in Canada and Ryan's is here (thank goodness).
Ryan (and my kids) are my whole world and I love them so much I want to give them as much as I can. Ryan works very hard to provide for his family that when he gives me those big puppy dog eyes I can't say no to him. He knows that he has this affect on me so he know how to use this power, but he is working on not abusing it.
I get mad at my self because I can't, and I mean I can't spend money on myself and then resent the fact that I can't. Then I just get upset with Ryan because he doesn't have the same problem which is not fair to him.
I get this problem from my Mom I know. I watched her do this growing up and now I just can't get over it. Self esteem issues anyone?
So...Ryan I am so sorry for sounding so harsh. You are the best husband ever and I need to figure out how to communicate better.
6 comments:
It's not YOU! It's the situation. You were to harsh on yourself!! I am surprised you are apologizing. You for sure shouldn't feel guilty buying something for you. I think if Ryan is anything like Dan (which most guys are pretty much the same I think..) he would think it's great if you spoil yourself once in a while. You are worth it!
You are a great mom and wife-obviously!!
I do understand the self esteem problem. I'm riddled with it.
yeah, i think it is totally ryan's fault--just simply for the fact that he's a guy! nothing else.
I honestly think Ryan just wants to have all the toys he didn't have as a kid. Not that it is a bad thing my parents didn't buy video games, or guitars. We went on a lot of way cool trips instead!!! So, I think compromise is in order. He can't have everything all the time, and you have to splurge on you on occasion! Hey, we didn't have much in the way of savings as kids...so maybe he'll want to save it!
As for self-esteem...we all are in that boat!
It's a hard compromise. I don't too don't think you have anything to apologize for though. I know that I have major guilt whenever I spend money on myself but I don't know why. Mike never makes me feel guilty about it, I just do. If Ryan wants $300 or whatever a WII costs, tell him he can once you have $300 for you to go spend on yourself. Seems like mom's needs and wants always get pushed back behind everyone else's. DOnt' feel guilty.
Don't apologize for anything Barb. You and Ryan are great together and you forget, I know where you're coming from because I grew up there too. It's part of a big family just being unselfish to the point that you put everyone else first. Give yourselves equal money! Save yours if you want for a swing set or a swim pool or a spa treatment for that matter, but make it equal. What $$ he gets, you make sure you get $$ too.
. . . oh ya by the way, did you know that hospitals often have a massage school hidden somewhere down in their basements and only charge $25 bucks for a total, one hour massage? Well, ours does and if ours does you should be able to find one close by. I did it, holy amazing! need I say more? Do it, you deserve it!
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